When you are born in a Western society to Asian parents, you ultimately start to find your place in the world. I’m sure that, ideally, my parents would have wanted me to fully embrace the Asian culture. However, that was not to be. I can’t quite explain it but I never felt comfortable amongst fellow Asians. Even my family treated me as an outcast at times. I still vividly remember visiting relatives in Malaysia and my cousin made an observation that could possibly explain my unease to other Asians, that I looked European because my skin colour was lighter than theirs. At the time, I thought it a throw-away comment but, years later, it has come to my conscience that it was probably the truest thing a family member has ever said to me. Certainly, I have a lot of Asian features but, on closer examination, those features aren’t truly Asian. I have almond eyes that are rarely seen in Asians and my hair has evidence of auburn colouring as opposed to the jet black hair most Asians do. Paul even pointed out that my nose has more of a Western structure to it than most Asians he has seen. This has led us to wonder just how much Asian blood is in me. Sadly, we both know that attempting to establish my true genetics will be impossible given the secrets my family (both immediate and extended) has a habit of harbouring.

I always have felt uncomfortable amongst fellow Asians. This quite possibly might have been caused by my classmates calling a liar about my birthplace in the first year I was in Singapore. Oddly enough, the only exception to that rule was if the other person had a Western upbringing or was part-European. Past experiences has taught me that socializing with fellow full-blooded Asians has only led to them assuming I had the same upbringing as them. While I did spent 6 years of my life in Singapore, those years weren’t exactly my most joyful. In fact, the memories of those years consisted mainly of hard schooling, extra tutoring in subjects I hated and the physical and emotional punishments my parents delivered as a result of my inability to meet their expectations. Both my siblings socialised with other Asians in their respective peer groups while I choose Caucasians as my preferred circle of friends as I had more in common with them.

 The Asian culture has been trust upon for as long as I can remember. I still have old photographs where my parents have dressed me in traditional Chinese attire. I even have one lone newspaper article dated 31 May 1979 where I have been dressed as such. While one should be proud of having made it into the printed media at such a young age, it has instantly categorised me into a culture I would rather not be directly associated with. It is to this day that I would refuse to wear anything that directly associates myself with the Asian culture in public.

In fact, there is one culture that I have embrace wholeheartedly. Yes, the British culture is one I have embraced but the Celtic – or more specifically, Irish – culture has always made me feel at home. For some unknown reason, I have been able to relate to the Irish culture more than I’ve been able to relate to the Asian one. So much so, Paul and I decided to get married in an Irish hand-fasting ceremony during Ostara, the Celtic Spring equinox,  (with the blessing of his other wife, Annette) to celebrate our unity. While Paul is part-Mediterranean, he too leans heavily towards the Celtic side of his bloodline, making our unit that much more special.

One thing that I’ve been told that sets me apart from other Asians is my sense of humour. Neither of my parents seemed to have any wickedness to what they perceived as humorous. This has led me to wonder just where my humour originated. It wasn’t until I started socialising with my Caucasian counterparts I realised that I harmonized more with Westerners than I did with Asians. This was especially confirmed with my parents’ advice that life was meant to be serious. I found that, when socialising with Westerners, I could be as silly as I wanted to be. Home life with Paul is full of laughter. Because of his Irish blood, he always finds humour in everyday life.

One day, we would eventually like to return to the UK and settle down there. I don’t believe my parents ever had any intentions of returning to that part of the world as they would not be as close to family as they are living in Australia. After all, Australia can also be seen as an extended arm of South East Asia. I personally have yearned to return to the UK since leaving there at the age of 6. However, unlike returning to England, I would love to settle in the beautiful landscape of country Ireland or Scotland as would Paul. Both his Celtic origins hail from that region of the UK and he has family there.